and deal with all this. They say: “Well, we do the best we can. We live our lives in a very small circle”. Because what is going on around us is a circus. No manners, no shame, no tact. A disaster. The internet has blown it out of proportion.
I just thought, since I’ve written all the books and given up everything, nobody needs me anymore; it’s just not clear where I’m going to go from here. Seriously. And it’s understandable that I could still figure things out. But it’s like this force, this voice, they told me to just wait. Everyone was telling me to just wait. Well, I was talking to Mystic-Old-Man about this issue of doing nothing. And that’s what this is all about. Big Alexander said just take care of your health, don’t get involved in anything and just wait. Mystic-Old-Man also told me to do something, but added: “You won’t be able to. My advice is to relax and do nothing, but you won’t be able to”. What does he mean by that? Well, it means that I am so used to the rhythm of diligence and rigour that I can’t just sit idle and do nothing.
And that’s why I asked that question about status and reputation, because I thought, since I’ve given up everything and I’m a simple guy, why don’t I go back into society? And do what? Take, descend into society, become a blogger, drink beer, go to cafes or temples, talk about people, about the world. You know, just talk about something or nothing. You know, just on people’s frequencies. I mean, I thought maybe I could extend my holiday like that and just film it all. And it would change my attitude to books, because they’re so slightly scary. And I feel all my rigour, focus, clarity and emotional emphasis on all sorts of discoveries that I give in my books. People have really got it into their heads afterwards that I’m some kind of general, some kind of psychologist, some kind of rule-obsessed maniac. But I’m not, that’s just what the book says. If I showed them that I was just joking and fooling around and drinking tea, and they saw me like that, maybe everybody would start grunting back. And that would be great, but you see, Mystic-Old-Man said it would break something in me, ruin me. That it wasn’t mine. That this part of me is what makes me so right. Of course anyone can go to a bar and get drunk, I can do that, it’s no problem. But there are still people who are just, let’s say, cheap and dirty inside. And there are still people who have this nobility that you can’t drink. It’s been in me since childhood and I can’t get away from it. You see tattoos, long hair, disguised hair, and all kinds of hipsters and oversized clothes. But really it’s a real balancing act. I’ve always