Page 321

[Alexandr Korol]

So, suicidal thoughts start appearing from this fear and madness. Can you imagine? And then I tell him:

– Listen, maybe this is one of those multiverses I traveled through when I was writing the third volume? Maybe in a couple of days, this will pass? Do you remember how you got out of those multiverses?
– Well, I would just start either talking through it with you or writing it down in my journal or book — just observing from the outside, describing how this world is structured, how I feel in it. It’s as if when I start looking at it from the outside, I somehow step out from under it.
– Well, let’s keep talking through it, then.
– Let’s do it.

And so I tell him that it’s so unusual — what I’m saying, what I’m feeling — it’s like some kind of world of illusions, where everything seems so terrifying, to the point of absolute horror. It’s as if, if someone knocks on the door, you don’t think it’s just a neighbor or a friend, but instead, you immediately believe that someone has come to kill you. Or if you receive a message and the first line you see says, “I found you,” you instantly think it’s a killer who is about to murder you — when in reality, if you actually read further and step out of this illusion, it turns out to be spam. If you read on, it might say, “I found you, you are the first prize winner of such-and-such contest,” but when you’re trapped in this world, in the state I was in, you don’t even need to open the message— you just see the first words, “I found you,” and that alone could push you into complete panic. That’s how terrifying it is. You begin to overthink everything in the most negative way, you are so consumed by fear that it feels like everything around you is about to kill or destroy you. Can you imagine? It’s terrifying. Truly terrifying. And right now, I am doing exactly what I did then — I was telling all of this to my friend, both to document what was happening to me and to understand what these illusions were, why I was experiencing and feeling them, and what they even were. After that, I opened the Bible and started reading. The Book of Genesis.