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[Alexandr Korol]

I came home, changed clothes, and went outside. As I walked down the street, I felt like I was in a vacuum. You know how in movies, when someone’s had a huge argument and walks out in an emotional daze — everything’s slow, out of focus, they can’t hear people waving or cars passing? It’s like their world is in a bubble of emotional shock or trauma. That’s exactly how I felt — like there was only me, and nothing else, and I was in this bubble. I remember taking the subway and ending up somewhere around Griboedov Canal, maybe near the Field of Mars or Palace Square. And I looked up at the sky and said, “What do you want from me?” But I wasn’t talking to God — I was speaking to “them”. That was probably the first time. I don’t even know why I said it like that. I just said, “What do you want from me? Tell me where to go, what to do, why I was even born here?” And I clearly felt “them”, like they were watching me, or sensing me. It was like a powerful consciousness, but not singular — it was plural. And that’s when it all began.

So, for example, I’d be walking outside, and something would happen — maybe I was talking with a friend or a girl, and I could see that the person was lying to me. Or maybe I got shy and didn’t say something I wanted to say — just regular human stuff. Then later, when I was alone at home, I might be standing at the window in the evening or at night, looking out, and suddenly I’d recall the whole day. And in that moment, say, when I had been shy, or when the person lied and I felt it — I would start speaking to “them,” the ones above. I’d ask, “Why did that boy lie to me?” And the voice would reply, “Because that’s the kind of person he is.” Or the voice would say, “Why didn’t you say that to him?” Or, “You can write to him now and ask — he’ll admit it.” And I’d do it, and he would. And this somehow became a kind of practice. Imagine me sitting at a table, and someone is across from me, and I’m silently asking the voice, “Should I offer this to this person?” and the voice says, “He’ll say no.” Or if I can tell the person is lying, I’d ask, “Is he lying?” and the voice would answer, “Yes.” Then I’d ask, “Should I bring it up?” and the voice might say, “No, he’ll get angry and attack you, saying you’re worse than him, that you’ve got more flaws than he does.” I’d say, “I don’t believe that,” and the voice would say, “Test it.” I’d say exactly what we discussed with the voice, and the person would react exactly as predicted — word for word.