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[Alexandr Korol]

And that’s what I wrote about in my diary. I had entries about how there’s no real love. That even when people do feel love for each other, they start judging one another — like who their parents are, what others will say, what their friends or their partner’s friends think — and if someone’s friends disapprove of someone, they’ll just ignore the person they love. So why are they so obsessed with this fake public opinion? I saw that everyone was lying, lying, lying, lying. Every chapter at that time was just a diary entry — every day or night. Every night when I wrote, I was writing things like: “Why is there so much lying and falseness? Where are the sincere people?”, “Why don’t people want to speak the truth? Why do they think one thing and say another? Why?” And it felt like I was addressing both my inner self, my soul, and also God — the system, the matrix, or whatever you want to call it. That’s what my relationship with all of this was like, starting from 2006. And then, when I left home in 2008, instead of writing it in my diary, I was just walking down the street near the Field of Mars, in the center of Petersburg, and that’s when I said: “So what do you want from me?” And that was the moment — it was the first time I felt “them,” like “they” were many. “What do you want from me? Why all of this? Why these trials, these strange things, these illusions people get lost in and attack each other over? Why? And why am I even here, why did I even come here? What for?” That’s how it was. And in that same year, 2008 — I can’t say exactly when, but probably also in the summer, still before September — I was listening to the track “Beautiful Lie” by Yoav, writing in my diary about people, about everything, about all the injustice, and that’s when I started feeling a heaviness above my head. I closed my eyes, and the heaviness grew stronger, like something was enveloping me from above. But I realized my breathing was distracting me, so I held my breath and started listening to every sound of the music — Yoav’s “Beautiful Lie” on repeat. And something wrapped around me, I stopped feeling my body, stopped hearing the music, and I just ended up in some kind of white space, and there was a voice speaking to me. That was the second time. And honestly, the strongest appearances of that voice and all the anomalous, supernatural stuff — those were in 2008, 2009, 2010, up to 2011. Back then there were also moments when... Actually, now that I remember, even in 2011 I noticed things that felt like someone could burst through me — like, imagine a TV that’s supposed to broadcast a pre- recorded program or news segment, and suddenly someone hijacks it and says: