Page 364
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Page 364
Miracles, he said — I would learn miracles, or I would be taught miracles, or I would perform miracles. And I wondered — maybe this is what he meant, that perhaps in the future I might be able to direct another person’s will, another person’s desire. But then, of course, darker thoughts came to me. I supposed that such a thing might indeed be possible — just as in those films, where it is shown that when you are nobody, when you are like a ghost... Perhaps that is how spirits control us. But the point is that I took note of it. What was interesting is that there were so many signs on this very subject. First, I came across a film where a girl controlled a man — specifically, his hand — so that he would not drink alcohol. Then I stumbled upon certain music videos, and then I had that dream. Even though the dream had a dark appearance, that was understandable — it was because of the film “Robinson Crusoe”. Still, all of this led me to one thought, and I remembered again that I had written about this in my childhood drafts: that it is very important to have pure intentions, to be as much of a “zero” as possible. That is, it is as though God will never grant a person supernatural abilities if that person loves himself, thinks of himself, or is selfish. A person can only have unique supernatural abilities if he would never, not even for a second, think anything bad about the world or about people. The only conclusion I drew from all this was that I must become even purer, so that I wouldn’t have such reactions as I did in the dream on the bus. And I believe every reader should take note of this as well: divine power will not be given — to you or to me — if you can react even in thought toward your neighbor, someone in line, or someone on public transport in such a way. It must not be done. I don’t know if I would react now the same way in real life, because I believe I have already changed, and am still changing greatly. That world of the underworld, where my nerves were sharpened, where I reacted harshly to everything, in a mirrored and distorted way — that is all finished. And in the world of heaven I am becoming softer and softer, more and more merciful, more and more lenient. And that is the essence — the difference between the worlds. This is the world I am describing now. So, I noted that I must become even purer, so that, let us say, God may grant me an even greater power.