polarities, these poles of plus and minus, that you no longer associate yourself
with either the plus or the minus. Consequently, the whole “who beats whom”
dynamic simply ends. But when you become this golden mean, you feel
as though you have become a “no one” and a “nothing.” You need nothing;
it’s as if you are dead. Seriously, if I were to describe it — and again, funnily
enough, I remember how everything began. I remember myself as a child
when this first started. In those days, I was already like this. I remember
describing it as a little boy: I said that I feel nothing, that I have no emotions,
that I look at everything from the outside — like a ghost. There were people,
each living in their own illusions and so on, but I watched everything
from the side, as if everyone was behind glass while I was in a vacuum.
All people were moved by illusions, but those illusions didn’t work on
me. That’s how I described it as a child. It was as if I could go somewhere if
I wanted to, I could work if I wanted to, or I could do absolutely nothing at
all — but nothing motivated or stimulated me the way it did other people.
I saw how everyone else was motivated and stimulated by just two forces:
the positive and the negative. People moved and did things either out of
fear, kicks, and slaps — driven by negative impulses — or they were driven
by positive, inspiring ones, interested in showing or proving something to
someone else, or to themselves, or expressing themselves. That is how people
“live.” But when you are free from all of that, you are no one and nothing.
You are no longer living for yourself; you need nothing. Sincerely, in the literal
sense of the word. It is very unusual that I was already like this once and now
I am returning to it again.
I like how the artificial intelligence describes the universal archetype:
“In all cultures, there is the same character archetype. First, the character
descends into the abyss, which means hell or death. Second, they pass a trial, die,
or sacrifice themselves. Third, they are resurrected and rise into a higher world.
Fourth, they bring back wisdom, light, and salvation. Fifth, they then live no
longer for themselves, but for the sake of others — teaching, healing, and saving.”
And that is exactly how it happens; that is the path. Everything coincides
perfectly with what has been happening to me throughout all the volumes
of the novel “Alternative History”.